So one of the most awkward things of my life happened to me today: I discovered that my father has seen my blog.
We had agreed to have dinner at a delicious Chinese restaurant in Kenwood, Cincinnati, because I was craving their amazing General Tso’s tofu. He asked me about my new job, and asked me if I was being a wordsmith. If you have read my bio page, you know that I use that word on it. I didn’t take the bait and when on describing my duties on the editorial staff as if nothing had happened.
On the ride back to my house he said, “I’ve been getting lots of compliments on your articles.” I thought about what I have written lately and I doubt he was looking at what I was doing at The News Record. “Yeah, someone was reading City Beat and asked me if that was you. It looks it pretty good.”
This sealed it for me: I had done an interview for the Pride edition of City Beat, complete with my blog url. But this was a month ago, and I was surprised he didn’t mention it earlier.
I quickly moved on, but at least he seemed proud.
I should have known this would happen eventually. You can’t do interviews for The Cincinnati Enquirer and City Beat that run with your blog’s url in the story and still hope that you have some control over who sees what. And trust me, I have had many uncomfortable moments where people I never thought would read this tell me they have. Not that I want to hide my sexual orientation, it’s just a weird thing to talk about to people who you’ve know since you were a child – and they found out you were gay via the Internet.
But this is why it is so awkward: There was no mention of the blog topic or content. And it’s not that my father doesn’t know, it’s just never discussed. Ever. I blurted out in the middle of an argument that I was gay because I was purposefully vague about my whereabouts and what I was up to, which angered him. He said we would discuss it later. We never did.
Not that there’s anything wrong with that, I suppose. Honestly, I wouldn’t know what to say if he ever did want to talk about. What is there to say? My sister’s and my relationship with my father has always been one filled with small talk or business – medical bills, fixing cars and the like. Why start delving into the heavy stuff now?
But if we had then that would have been the most awkward day of my life.